"I like you Mommy."

Tonight at dinner Josh pulled out the "fancy" dishes from our china cabinet.  Mason said, "When will we use that big flower plate?"

"How about tonight?", I replied thinking, we should be using this stuff more often. "What should be put on it?"

"Salad," Mason quickly shouted from the kitchen.

A penny for the fountain to make a wish...

I lit some candles and Ellie announced that it was her birthday.  As Mason started to tell her it wasn't really I started singing, "A very merry unbirthday to you, to you..."  Mason took the cue and sang something similar, but his own on-the-spot lyrics and then ran back to the kitchen to "make her a cake."  He grabbed an apple and stabbed a birthday candle in it and we lit it, turned the lights off, and sang "Happy Birthday" in the glow of the candles. The beaming smile and squeals of glee were infectious.

Just before dinner I had received a message from a far away friend that recently lost his mother. I had read an update from him the other day about his mom and it was written so beautifully.  I teared up thinking about her and although we had just met a few times back in college when I stayed at their house in Boston. I remembered her dearly.  I loved how with her Spanish accent she called me, "Hen". My friend shared with me how his mother had asked about whether or not we were still in touch and how I was.  It has been SO long since we have seen each other personally, but we reconnected online a while ago.  A whole country apart, but chatting now and then. Friendship is so amazing like that.  Time can pass and distance can come between you, but a connection can bring you right back to the fun memories you have with truly great friends. I was amazed to hear that she remembered me and I teared up again. I remember many great laughs and wish him the strength and peace that his post exuded. I can only imagine what it must be like for him at this time.  It makes me want to hang out with my mom more.  I loved seeing her last weekend even if it was brief.  I loved every minute. 

More pennies...

After dinner, Mason was anxiously awaiting my willingness to go up to his new room and play.  I said I would after I rinsed the dishes and he said, "Oh, because they are so fancy? Where did you and Daddy get those?"

I told him how they were presents at our wedding.

"I wish I got more presents."

"You will."

"Will I get married one day, Mommy?"

"You might. When you find someone you fall in love with, you might ask them to marry you."

"I like you Mommy."

"I love you, Mason."

"Hmmm, who is a girl that I know that I could marry?"

"You have time to find one."

"Let's go upstairs and play wedding day.  We will have to make a lot of plans.  Joey thinks that when people kiss at a wedding it's gross."

"I don't. I think it's lovely."

"Me too."

I think it is lovely that we have not yet reached the "it's gross" stage yet.  I know that day will most likely come, but I have to say I loved playing "wedding day" tonight.  We went upstairs and I had to use the pretend computer to type up the list of all the things Mason would need such as: flowers, decorations, bear suit, dresses, drinks, plates, rings, "and for my costume"...the list went on and on. (Did I mention I love how he referred to his attire as his "costume"?)

Mason in his "Ring Bear" costume this summer at Uncle Micah and Auntie Maddie's Wedding

Then I had to make my list. Then we turned all the lights off and waited for our guests because it was a surprise party wedding, but by the time Daddy came upstairs to play we were all pretty sleepy from hanging out in the dark and Mason sadly reported to him that we hadn't had time to "hang up the decorations."

It is amazing when you take a look at the world through the eyes of a child. At one point in the conversation he told me how when he got married we would all sleep in the same bed because people that get married share a bed.  I am pretty sure any future daughter in-law of mine wouldn't want to share her bed with me, but that isn't what he meant, it was just pure love.  The idea of us not being together does not compute. It is like my neighbor growing up that wanted to marry me when he was four, and was going to buy us a house in the middle of the street (when no cars were coming) so that we could both still live by our parents.

As we grow up and want to become more of our own self, we venture away, but then there is the strong desire to be a part of their day, to share with them, to be around that love.  I can't imagine my life without all the memories and love and support that my parents have given me through the years. I look forward to more to come and wish my far away friend the strength and peace to continue his journey through life in a new way.

A Frog In A Well

Does anyone remember that math problem from back in the day about the frog in the well?  It went something like there is this frog stuck in a well and every time he takes a few steps up toward the escape at the top he slips back down a certain amount of steps. The trick is figuring out some sort of formula to help you determine how long the poor guy will be stuck in that well before finally reaching the top and launching himself into freedom.

For some reason I keep coming back to this problem.  It is so odd to me how this came into my brain.  I mean years have gone by since I grappled with this problem.  I remember always being "good at math". I was in the "high" math group.  I went to Mr. Moore's math group in elementary school and was a bit "ahead" along the way.  I am not generally one to brag and boast about such things, but I find it interesting how something you may be "good at" can also be a burden. For although my mind found patterns and problems to work well in my brain, I didn't really LOVE math.  I do remember this problem though for as much as I was supposed to be "good at math" this problem stumped me at the time.  I was confused by it and wondered why my "good at math" label wasn't working for me here.

The other night our good friends were sharing their woes about a recent progress report their first grader brought home.  He was discouraged and feeling like he was not "good at math".  First grade and already feeling this way.  I have been thinking about him and my students at school and how we have SO many standards and a warp speed pacing. There is never quite time to slow down and help them build the stamina to grapple with how long that poor frog will be stuck. For if they don't "get it" that day the pace says, "we're moving on tomorrow", oh and by the way you need to have mastered yesterday to move on with us today, so if you were sick or needing more time, so sad for you.

I think we need to stop and remember that learning is a journey.  I was just sharing with my students the other day about things I have learned as an adult, like how to be a gardener, a rower, a singer, a public speaker, a writer.  It would be great if things could sometimes have a "quick fix" happy ending, but I feel as though some of my greatest accomplishments and successes are those that I worked the hardest to find, and in reflecting and relishing in the discovery I learned something about myself that surprised me, because I never knew that side of me existed.

At times, it is hard to be that frog stuck inside that well.  Yesterday at work I was scraping the bottom of that darn well.  I may even have been in the water, but today somehow I was back on the uphill climb.  Then after lunch I slipped again.  By the end of the day I was moving on up. You just never can tell where you'll end up.  I still can't seem to figure out that formula.

This year, this stage that education is in, challenges us as educators, parents, and life-long learners to seek out and practice ways to bring joy to "the art of the journey" to our students, our children. In the world of "Don't worry about the ones that seem hard, just do the best you can." A.K.A. if you have no clue there will always be something to mindlessly bubble in, we must seek and find ways to bring learning to a higher level.  For in life true success is not multiple guess. Someone, or many, may say you are "good at ______", but it is far greater to earn it with a little blood, sweat, and tears. To know, for true, what you are and what you know you can do.  To live up to yourself, not what others perceive you to be.

It is this that sent me to a complete high as I headed out to recess with my storytelling 4th graders this morning.  My heart soared as students that usually are busy finding ways to do everything, but engage in what we are doing, shared, "I thought it would be hard to be a storyteller, but now I see that it isn't and I am thinking next time I want to be inside that circle."
and "I noticed that people inside the circle took a risk even though they were nervous."
and "I was nervous, but I ended up having a lot of fun."
and "I like how you put a lot of excitement into the story."
and "I noticed that everyone was quiet in the audience so we could hear the story."
and "I liked how no one was trying to make a joke just so people would laugh, they were being serious about the story."
and "I like being a storyteller with more people around because it is way more fun than just telling your story to one person."
and "I noticed that even though we made some mistakes at times, we just kept going and it worked out okay."

Isn't this what it is all about? We make mistakes, but we just keep going and keep trying to work it out. That darn frog may still be stuck in that well, but he keeps looking for his next uphill climb. Next time you are faced with your challenge, your "I'm just not good at _______." Think about how you will bring it toward that escape at the top.  It is so sweet to escape those labels those "holes in our bucket" of life.  Never in my wildest dreams, 11 years ago, would I have predicted I would be leading our whole school Morning Sing assembly or dancing and singing with my class with utter joy, but I am. It is what surprises us most about ourselves that helps us soar.

"Baby Isaiah is coming over to my house. That's what he said when I called him."

Thursday night we had the joy of meeting our new nephew and cousin, Baby Isaiah.  Welcome to the family little one.  We loved meeting you and can hardly wait to see you again.  Ellie talks about you all the time and tells us how you are coming over to play.  Three days old and already taking calls. You are amazing. 

In the parking lot before we went in Mason said, "His picture is so cute.  I wonder what he feels like." Everyone had a hard time sharing turns holding him.  He was so snuggly. 

Today in the car, Mason and Ellie were chatting about him in the backseat, and Ellie announced how she has a baby in her belly and it is wiggling all around.  They got to discussing babies and Mason said, "You know how babies come out? They come out of vachinas." 

Ellie screeched, "NO!"

Mason quickly replied, "No, that's just a joke everybody says."

I couldn't help but giggle. Yeah, because how could that even be possible?

"Where is that baby?"

"Look at my baby!"

(Recognize the sweatshirt Uncle Micah?)

So the other morning, Ellie woke up as I finished my post, "Flying Solo".  She saw the picture of herself on the screen and said, "Where is that baby?"  She has inherited two of those little Cabbage Patch babies from Ana and one was in her little toy car seat across the room.  I said, "Here she is."  Ellie is a master of knowing her babies and doggies and if you try to fool her, you are foolish indeed.  She will protest and scream at you something like, "No, not that baby the other tiny baby! Like that." (Pointing at her photo.) And so, the search was on...where the heck was that baby hanging out these days? Luckily, I found her relatively quickly, and then she had to have the baby stroller, which she calls a shopping cart.  Then the doggie hat.  It was all quite comical.  All the photos in that post are a year old as I didn't have recent photos to match my story and I loved reliving those moments.  So that morning on the way to work as the kids were dancing I took a recent pic. Don't worry I wasn't driving, Josh was.  Carpooling is awesome!
 

I love Ellie's spunky self and her love of her boots these past few days.  The girl's got style! Artist in the making.

"Do we have 'I Just Called To Say I Love You?' Go to the Mall."

So today we hit the mall. This was not our original plan, however, the "reputer" was under the weather and a trip to the Apple store was in order.  Josh booked the appointment and we were off. As we pulled into the parking lot we realized that we'd be lugging our huge box a bit (and when I say "we" I mean Josh) as there were no nearby spots on this grand re-opening weekend. Oh the horror!

Well, what we thought may be a bit of a crowded nightmare, was pleasantly surprising.  The kids were adorable and such, yet the crowds and noise in some places were a bit unnerving.  I don't understand how I used to love going to such places. I also don't understand the ear attire. Poor, big computer had to check in for an overnight stay, hopefully we'll be picking him up soon, but somehow I wish we could get him without having to return to the time-warping mall.

Flying Solo

There are some things that are hard to capture. Perhaps that is why they feel so magical. For if you could capture them, then you would simply have them and there would be no rush of feelings and the strong need for capture. This day began at 4:00. Waking after falling asleep with Ellie so early that when the early hour woke me, I didn't fight it. I crept out into our first rainy, fall morning in hopes of capturing a bit of the magic of a quiet, chilly house that could inspire my soul. Alone time, I was craving it.

I lit candles, brewed coffee, and set up my scene near my bouquet of fall flowers that Mason and Daddy bought me at the Farmer's Market last Saturday. The color is rich, the lighting is amazing, picturesque. I tried to take the photo...perhaps that will be a new learning adventure for me. How do you take such photos? The one I took doesn't include the warmth, the feeling I get when I know that fall is here. As the wind plays the the chimes hanging outside in my tree I will embrace this literal calm before the storm. Inside recess awaits and I will be ready. I will drink in the fall. For now, it will just be in my mind's eye and in my words.

Last night we visited the Whole Foods Hay Maze. After the long day it was another moment to capture. As with most things, it has improved. We try something and then we make it better. This year the maze has the usual hay bales and pumpkins with the added tunnel feature built with pallets, boxes, and lighting. It is the perfect example of nothing going to waste. The pumpkin boxes and pallets were the perfect height for Ellie to run through in her boots and dress, squealing with glee. She invited me in and after a moment of hesitation, I accepted. For after a long day what could be better than a trip through the tunnel? The perfect height for Ellie is a different story for me. I felt like I was filming a scene from Being John Malcovich, but I kept on. I made it the full length with Daddy and Ellie chugging on through behind me. I sat at the end watching Mason bring me tiny pumpkins laughing every time and Ellie running wild. Another moment to capture, but no camera on the scene.

I wish I could transport this maze to school. "Alright things are hitting their limit take a few laps in the maze and then be ready for class." Hmmm, this just might work.

After the maze we headed inside. It was Tuesday and I don't remember the last time we cooked at home on a Tuesday. I don't know what it is about Tuesday, but for us it's been "get out" night. We found our tasty treats and headed for a table. We ate and watched at the kids venture into the play area.



For those of you who have not been to this Whole Foods there is this "Mercado" for kids. In the beginning it was a mini supermarket with books, puzzles, aprons, fully stocked shelves of play foods, blocks, cashier and so on. Over the years many items have vanished as they realized the traffic through the area doesn't lend itself to sustainability. Over time they have replenished with new items, but the one thing that has been there since the beginning are the blocks. This is my favorite part to observe. I have never seen a time when the following was not the case. It is a perfect spot for observing child behavior. Last night it was no different. Ellie was playing in there first with another boy her age. And when I say "with" I mean near. Then Mason began to join them. Ellie had an apron on and was bringing us teacups and Mason was cooking up some soup. Then two older girls, about 7 or 8 years, cruised in and, oh the horror on their faces. "Look at this mess." They immediately began to organize and put away all the blocks, strategically. As they were putting them away the boys were all depleting their supply, removing them as quickly as they could stock the shelves. When the girls took a break for their dessert the shelves were quickly wiped clean. Upon their return the look of shock on their faces set them to work at high speed. They stocked the shelves immediately and Mason strategically set to work on how to sabotage this keen organization. As he came walking to us with a basket of blocks the younger of the two girls stood staring, jaw dropped. I couldn't help, but laugh. Oh honey, it's just the way of the world.

Five years ago I was pregnant, thinking I had at least a month before meeting my son. I was often up at these odd hours, but never blogging for it wasn't until his birth that this blog was born as well. Usually I was walking the house trying to rid my legs of the cramps they would have, reminding me of years of rowing. I imagined it was my body preparing me to take on pain and lack of sleep. I have been feeling the change in season and the excitement that builds as the temperatures drop and the wardrobe begins to change. This morning I searched through the dark for a scarf that would wrap me and keep me warm. As I reflect on these past 5 years, it seems like such a short time, yet so much has changed and grown that it feels like one of the biggest chunks of my story. I would not be who I am today without all those other times, but these years are ones I embrace. Five years ago, I new change was coming, but as Justin Roberts sings, "Oh we never really knew, how much we needed you, until you came into our lives..." I love my Mason. I love how he has changed me, helped me grow to become a mother.

As the seasons change and we take note of change, I fall in love with fall. For it is a time I reflect on this change. I was reading two blogs earlier asking me what it is I love about the fall. At first it is the pumpkins, the carmel apples, the warmth of the colors and cool of the breeze, the scarves, the sweaters, boots and more.

But when I really think about it, I love the fall for that is when I fell in love in a new way. It is rare that I am alone anymore, sometimes a little time flying solo is all you need to remind yourself how you can't imagine your life without everybody else.

Scattered Showers

Listening to Dar Williams' live album on shuffle on my computer is a bit like my mind lately. She tells a story, a lead to a song and just as you are geared up to listen to it, the next track shifts and it is shuffled to some other tune of hers not the one you were expecting. Today I am here alone working while my fam is off doing other tasks and my mind spins with how to maximize this alone time. School work was a "must do" and I had to force myself to sit in the corner and not get up until all progress was written, saved and such. I made the most of such tediousness with a full glass of coffee, windows open, fall weather gracing me with its presence. Then as I finished and I realized it was drops of rain I was now hearing...there was Dar singing about the "Beauty of Rain". It was just like her bit about the yellow school bus driving by. If you haven't heard her live album, I highly recommend listening.

Her beautiful voice is filling up my house as I type and as I catch a glimpse of her lyrics amidst my spinning thoughts and typing fingers I am almost brought to tears in such a beautiful way that only those magical moments can bring. Its like when I was playing upstairs with the kids this morning and Leprechaun was being rescued by Wedding Barbie and Ken from Mason's handmade Leprechaun trap.

"Tell her there is an opening at the top!" "Hooray!" they shouted.

Sounds random and bizarre for those that weren't there, but to me it was a bit of heaven. Like spying Ellie and Mason returning from their adventure with Dad yesterday and announcing, "Mommy we have tea set for everyone. You, Mason, Daddy, and Me." I first heard, "Mommy we got pizza for everyone..." Then even better, not pizza, but their 1st tea set. Josh later informed it was given to them by a Grandmother at a yard sale that didn't want to sell it, she just wanted someone to have it that would truly LOVE having it. Even better. This morning, Ellie, Mason, Tiny Teddy, and Baby Stella had a lovely tea party in the center of the living room. They love it indeed. That Grandma would be proud.

Speaking of Grandmas, I have been thinking about mine a lot lately. The kids wanted to play pirates the other day and they asked to wear some necklaces. I love to see them loving these pieces. I imagine my grandmas smiling as they sing "Yo ho, yo ho, a Pirate's life for me..." as they head off on their latest adventure. I cherish these little treasures that allow me to remember and share about how they were meaningful in my life. Mason asked me again at dinner how my Grandma died. He is trying to figure it all out. Aren't we all?

Josh bought me a hat yesterday. A nod to fall and the season to come. I am thinking of Mason's birthday and my family visiting to share in this joyful day. I look at this picture below and am moved by it. Many women probably wouldn't post it, as it highlights lines. But to me these lines are family. I remember growing up, staring at my grandparents and their lines. Their lines showed their life they lived and I remember them deeply like the lines they had. I saw these lines on my mom and I wondered if one day I would have them and yep, here they are. I guess I am living deeply, I have the lines to prove it!

Bring on the fall, family, love! Live deeply!

Toothless!

So it dawned on me the other day when someone asked me how old my kids are and I said that Mason is 4 and a half that he isn't really 4 and a half anymore. He is really almost 5. Less than a month away actually. Here he is my almost 5, growing up boy. I would tell you more about the missing tooth, but it is late and I need to get some sleep...more to come.

Highs and Lows

A couple of years ago a woman told me about a family tradition they had of sharing their highs and lows of the day at the dinner table. I had tucked this idea away in my brain and it surfaced early this evening while lying on the floor with Ellie and Mason. I was invited to read a story and take a spot on the floor with a pillow. We put our feet up on the couch and lay reading a favorite of ours by Lauren Child. I love all our Lauren Child books. This one was a Charlie and Lola tale, one that hits quite close to home Whoops! But it Wasn't Me. I love to play with British voices of this brother sister team and as I was reading the second time through, the story continued and my mind took note of how this was a true high of my day. Laying there bringing the story to life with my two, kicking my feet and letting the busy of the world wait.

As my mind relished in the moment, it then began to plan ahead and think of how highs and lows would be a topic tomorrow. I began to search for other ideas that stood out from the day. As we ate at the table, I had the sudden urge to get my haircut. Ellie had fallen asleep early and I thought I would take a chance and see if there was a last minute appointment available. So at 6:50 pm I booked a 7:00 pm time and got ready to make a dash to the salon. Mason told me as I jetted out, "Mommy have a good haircut and don't let them cut off all your hair or you'll be bald like Uncle Chris." The things he comes up with...another high.

So I arrive to meet my new hairstylist. She walks up with the funkiest tights/socks/not sure what they are exactly called. This Friday is Silly Sock Day so I am intrigued instantly and am wondering where to purchase such fancy legs. Before I can realize that the comment may sound weird I say to her, "I like your legs." As it floats in the air, I almost laugh out loud at how it may have sounded odd. So I divert the bizarro and talk about how they are intriguing tights. As the time passed I discovered her love of art and nature and creativity. I have found a stylist that I SO relate to. I may even be interested enough to book another appointment with enough advance notice to request her. I can't make any promises, but yet another high. We blabbed about gardens and art and both parted feeling inspired. I left with less hair and a lifted spirit.

On the drive home I was listening to music and rolled the windows down, opened the sunroof and let the warm, evening wind dance through my short springy curls. While the song sang "running" three people ran by on the sidewalk and I took note of how the same had happened with a solo runner on my way to the shop. We keep getting higher.

I got home to find my boys playing a board game with Tiny Teddy. Mason quickly shared with me how many aphids he and Tiny Teddy had collected. Then we brushed teeth, tested the wiggly-ness of the loose tooth and were off to snuggle with more stories. It is a bit of magic to watch him doze off to sleep. It makes me wonder what he'll be dreaming of.

So I am not sure what the lows are...I think I'll pass on those, for I have been chatting too often of that which is frustrating and it clouds my images of that which is joyful. I will close with a snippet of a couple weeks ago when Mason discovered hidden treasure in the garage. From back in the day when my friend gave me these Gym Girls they have been tucked away for one day to be revealed. The day came and it was hysterical. I will have to upload the video as the still photos don't quite do it justice to the true potential of these high quality items. To all my rowing friends...I think we didn't go quite glam enough. Check out these girls.

Where to begin...

This weekend has been filled with so many memorable moments I don't quite know where to begin. Saturday morning Mason discovered some pain in his mouth which marked the beginning of his first loose tooth. As he was talking to Uncle Chris on the phone, sharing his big news, his face went blank and the conversation stopped. His mind was whirring and then he said, "I have to go, talk to Mommy." He was off to make his plan for his tooth fairy pillow. He grabbed some paper and a marker and drew a wand that needed to be sewn onto the pillow. I took out some fabric that we had and he told me, "It will have to be pink, her dress is pink, so she must love pink. Everything will have to be pink so she will come." We found some pink flower fabric remnants from a sundress we made for our friend Gretchen years ago and set to work. Mason cut some pieces and we set up our machine. Ellie helped us sew it all and Mason stuffed it. "Now I will have to keep this until my tooth falls out."

That afternoon we headed out for pizza and stopped to get Ellie a costume I saw last weekend. She had a gift card from her birthday that needed to be spent and now the costumes were on sale, so I couldn't resist and bought her two. That evening I showed her one and she fell in love with it instantly and became Ladybug Girl. We went exploring outside just in time to see the neighbors ride their horses down the street.

Today we decided we needed a family adventure day. A mini-get away to forget about how the house is not clean and there is yard work to be done. It would and could all wait while we escaped. We packed a picnic and our swim gear and we were off. We weren't completely sure where we would end up and I think that was part of the fun. We ended up near Coloma and found a lovely spot for our picnic lunch. Mason made his "happy" little lunch.

Ellie and I were quite entertained by it. As the meal went on the facial expressions changed with the various peppers he found.

After lunch we hiked down to the river and found a rocky spot where we'd be sheltered from the strong current on the other side of the granite rocky island we found. Ellie took me by the hand and we were off into the chilly water.

We climbed and climbed and slid down the smooth stone.

And then we climbed some more.

Josh explored the wonders of the river, panned for gold, and Mason experienced it all.

I love watching the world as they explore. They look so deeply at what they find.

Josh made "paint" with some stones they found.

We hiked back and a tired Ellie took a short snooze before heading back to town. We decided to go hunting for Mason's costume.

What could end this magical day better than Peter Pan and Tinkerbell scootin' around the yard?

"Ellie, your wand is AWESOME!" exclaimed Mason.

"Good boy, good boy," says a loving Ellie. We'll stay home and play with you tomorrow, Onyx.

Hoorah for 3 day weekends!

I hope yours is grand!

Hit the Ground Running

The other day I was at an after school training for an Arts Grant that I am participating in. Josh and the kids came to pick me up at the end of a REALLY long day. They were all as exhausted as I was and the ride was a bit of a roller coaster, but instead of the manic screaming that sometimes ensues at that time of a long, napless day, the kids were "rockin' out".

Mason: "Mommy, we've been rockin' out. You want to see it."

Me: "Of course I do."

Mason: "Daddy, put that song on."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gDjfyYahxy4

What came next was one of those moments where I wished I had a hidden camera to capture it all. I will have to rely on my memory to bring about a smile as I picture Ellie's groovy, little car seat dance which literally made me laugh out loud. Mason was laughing with his whole self. We all proceeded to laugh and hit repeat the whole way home.

A few days later, I was at an all day training for the same grant. Although The Arts are my passion, this day was challenging. I couldn't help, but feel overwhelmed by the task of teaching all these lessons to my group of students. I left that day with a heavy heart. I got into the car and hurried to meet up with the kids for the short time I had before leaving them again to go to the preschool orientation for the whole evening.

I needed a laugh, so I put this song on and pictured that groovy girl of mine. Thumbs up, shoulders rolling, smile beaming. I realized I had no idea what the lyrics of the song were. A few lines caught my attention and I began to listen more intently. I was struck by the metaphors. I was needing a parachute, a way to stay hopeful and "hit the ground running."

That night we visited with friends, new and old at the preschool orientation. As we walked through the door we were wowed by the giant picture of Ellie gracing the presentation screen. It was from the last day of school party last spring when she was covered in paint in the art area. A true beauty, in the zone of creativity. I couldn't help but get misty-eyed. As the evening progressed I was gathering, collecting, refueling my soul.

In the teaching profession I have found that I can never learn enough. I will constantly be seeking ways to better my practice. Each year there are the constants and then just when you think you have things figured out, you are faced with new challenges that force to to question yourself and what you do.

This week has been a test of strength and endurance. On Thursday night, I gave my Back to School Night presentation. I took inspiration from all my mentors and models over time and spoke from the heart about what I have come to realize are my true constants. It is my hope to share the wisdom I have gained about childhood. It is this that will continue to drive my teaching.

Today was the first day of the rest of my school year. I felt alive again. I felt the true passion I have for teaching. I got goosebumps as we sang and the eye contact reached my soul. I moved through my room of artists and they shared their insights and creations. I am no longer falling...I am hitting the ground running.

A Weekend Getaway

Since I returned to work I have been wanting to write and somehow the time escapes me. I have had many ideas for stories and yet they have stayed just that, ideas. In class we are talking about writing and how writers write about things that are meaningful. I recently stumbled upon a link to a blog on a friend's blog. I was drawn in by the photos and then was lost in the writing. Some of the posts hit so close to home that I found myself wishing for time to write, to share, to capture the love from the day. I suppose it would be another way that I could lose myself in the joys of life.

The first few days of school have been rough. The opposite of what I imagined and looked forward to. This was the first summer since my kids were born that I was somewhat excited to return to school. I still felt a sadness of shortening my weekday family time to the times when we are all exhausted, or rushing to be somewhere on time, but it was paired with inspiration to experience the joys of learning and sharing my teaching. I knew I could enjoy my work day, dive in head first and give all I could to build my classroom community, and come home to embrace the love Mason and Ellie share with me. Instead of a beautiful, graceful dive, I feel as though I have struck the water with such force that I come up gasping for air.

Last weekend, my loving husband planned a most rejuvinating getaway. He told me at dinner that night, "I am glad you are crazy enough to drive 3 hours to buy 5 plants."

I laughed at his humor and knew that the weekend was much more than a drive to get 5 plants. I know he knows it too.

It was about capturing the beauty of life. It didn't matter that the traffic was crazy, we were together. I love my family, my support. Last night Ellie looked up at me and said, "I love you so much Mommy." It is this love that moves me forward and pushes me back out to the edge of that board...I am not giving up. I will dive, I will find that beauty, that grace.