38 Reasons...

The other day Josh and I were somewhere and I was wondering??????  How old will I be tomorrow???? I asked it out loud because it is funny how when you are small your age is chatted about casually and expressively and shared at times, what can seem like, constantly, as you discuss it with your siblings and whoever may listen.  It even was an opener at our friend's daughter's 3 year old birthday party on Saturday afternoon.  Mason asked, "Can I tell someone that I get to go to 2 birthday parties today?"  "Sure," I replied.  "Why don't you talk to that boy next to you? You could ask him his name."

"You ask him," he said.

So I did.

"I'm Aiden.  I'm six," he said.

"I'm Mason and hey, I'm five."  And there you have it all was well and figured out.

I have been a sewing maniac lately and have discovered the perks of having a sewing station set up at all times.  Although the spot is a bit on the unruly side of clean, (as it seems all my spaces are at the present moment) it is nice to sit down and create a gift rather than running to the store.

Adults make things more complicated and as I hear about how Ellie will be 3 on June 2nd, and I will be going to her birthday party, and we will sing for her and all such things, I have forgotten how old I am.  There comes a time when you no longer know the number you just know you are you, right then and there in the moment.

Ellie and Mason braved the sea of new faces as we arrived at my friend's daughter's birthday party.  Ellie was enamored with the idea of being at her "friend's" party and wants to invite her over ASAP.  Mason was hesitant at first, but quickly warmed up and told me he was glad he stayed or he would have missed out on all the fun.

So there I was in the car, I believe it was, trying to use math and calculate it all out to be certain I had landed on good ol' 38.

And so began my challenge...the 38 things I loved about my birthday. By the way there are so many stories I have seen and replayed in my head lately and they just don't make it out.  I wish I could somehow capture the time to express them and perhaps they may resurface in some form, but for now here is my list.  This week it seems fitting.  There is a lot to do around me and instead I will sit and write my list.

Oh and you should probably know that I am not too worried whether I make it to exactly 38.  I am not a stickler for such exactness as I believe it is more about the process, so readers don't worry yourself about the number just know you are you right then and there and enjoy.

The day greeted me early with a crowded bed of snuggly kids that burrowed in to see me.  I snuck out at 5:22 am to seek some space of my own as the snuggly had crossed the fine line into cramping muscles and squished.  I headed upstairs to Mason's room and embraced the dark, quiet view of our big, brown farm.  The silhouette of the tall evergreen tree and the shed/barn made it so magical. I lay there until a wee Ellie found me and climbed on up to snuggle some more. A while later she popped up and announced, "The sun's up. Can we make some popcorn?"  Why not? It's my birthday.

The leprechauns delivered "Gold coins!  Enough for everyone!" Mason and Ellie shouted from the front porch as they quickly grabbed Mason's magic hat to scoop them up.

It must be my birthday as the "magic" daffodils have made their appearance with the gold coins.  They are in full bloom now as I type.  If it wasn't so dark I would share their beauty with you.  Perhaps I can get a photo in the morning.

 On a side note, I gave Mason a haircut yesterday.  He asked for "kind of short, kind of long, and kind of sideways."  His review at the end, "It is perfect, just what I asked for."  ("Whew," I thought.) After Ellie woke up from her nap she told him, "Look at your hair. It's weird."

"It's not weird.  Mommy gave me a haircut and it's perfect.  That's why you think it is weird," he reasoned with her.

Baby Dax was born and I was off to visit him.  I quickly sewed him a gift before heading to the hospital.

Josh got the mail on his secret mission outing I was excited to open my brother's card on this Sunday morning.
The King of perfect book gift giving preordered a copy of Bloom for me.
I can hardly wait to read it.

My family sang me a happy birthday song and Mason set my place with two of his chocolate gold coins. 

Birthday songs were then sung for everyone and candles were in full force.
"Mommy why don't you have the number of how old you are?"  Mason asked.
As I said, I am not so worried about exact numbers here.
 If you are....there are a whole lot of daffodils and gold coins that can fill in the blanks.

Ellie's turn with her birthday party favors from the day before.
Party favor hangovers all day around here.

ARGH!
Here he is the little pirate winking at me with all his newborn baby cuteness!
Baby Dax we love you and are so glad you were born.  

I received a birthday card that read, "I am glad you were born..."  This took my breath away for a moment.  It is common to read Happy Birthday and other equally special things in cards and notes and spoken words, but this was different it caught my attention and inspired me.  I thought of the things that make me, me.  I thought of all 38 years of me.  I thought.  I am still thinking.  What will this new year bring?  What will I challenge myself to uncover about myself that I haven't yet seen?  What will I continue to embrace and share with those around me.  I thought about all the love that I receive from friends and family far and near and how it has helped build me up to become who I am today.  It isn't always about the perfect list, the exact number, but rather the process of getting there and the reflecting that takes place when you stop for a moment and take notice of where you have arrived.

Last night before falling asleep I looked through our closet ("yep that's the kind of house I  live in and I hope we never leave it" There's a Wocket in My Pocket) and spied the most amazing silhouettes of Ellie and Joshua with their guitars singing away. Ellie chiming in with her song requests and playing right along with Daddy.  I wished I could have had a photograph, video, something, but to have tried to capture it I would have ruined it.  So I watched. I listened. I am writing about it and keeping it in my memory.  I want to remember it always. Maybe I will paint it.

There is a train I am on right now that seems to be speeding right along, but I am glad we slowed and stopped at this station.  I feel recharged and read to be "going down the railroad..."

Multitasking

Jen and I returned home after a thought provoking preschool parent meeting, kicked off our shoes in the mudroom,

checked our messages and email at the home office,

had a snack in the dining room,

worked a bit on the project for preschool in the sewing room,

put off cleaning up the kid's playroom,

Yeah, I know this one is sideways, but the photo program was freaking out
and I didn't have the patience to mess with it... you will survive.

put aside some of the tools from a wood working project in the safety tool room,

took a seat on the sofa in the living room, and enjoyed a glass of wine while basking in the glow of the greenhouse lights that urge our young garden seedlings skyward.

All these rooms in about the same amount of space as a SUV. If that ain't multitasking...

The Power of Tools

This weekend was filled with some of my favorite things. Although there was much work to be done, it was good work, work worth doing.  As with anything worth doing, time must be invested and on this particular "spring forward" sort of weekend time seemed to be speeding right along and I found myself wishing there was more to be had. 

Instead of dwelling on the "not enough time" I started thinking about what we made time for.  Ellie was  ready for "not a work day, today is a family day?!!" with an early morning wake up call at 6:30 Saturday morning.  As Daddy and Mason woke up at 8:00, it felt as though we had been up for hours.  We were making waffles and other tasty breakfast goodness and getting ready to unleash the day.

Daddy and Ellie took charge of seeds.  Our "happy little farmer"(as she researched back at winter break) worked hard to plant all the "little babies". Ellie loves caring for babies, but she likes to hold them and snuggle them...these babies might not be sturdy enough for her loving embrace.

Our little garden fairy

A watchful eye is needed when unleashing the fun of seed starter kits.  A bit of over-processed packs took us outside to enjoy the crisp, sunny day!

Oh if all our outfits could inspire spinning and flying...

My new favorite shirt of Mason's is this one which is difficult to see in this picture.  "It's kind of like a costume and a shirt," he told Grammie on the phone.  The pirate on it is fantastic and even has shiny gold bling.  Perfect for heading to a birthday party! 

The kids headed out to party and Josh and I scurried to sew, and construct.  We have been working on the class project for Mason's preschool auction and needed the weekend to get things wrapped up.  As with many of our creative works the estimated and actual times don't seem to match up.  We used to joke at how the Home Depot book for Do-It-Yourself projects should be read by multiplying all times by at least 3.  So true to form this project is no different.  Saturday I spent the day at my sewing machine listening to music inside while Josh was outside constructing a castle. At the end of our 8 hours we were calling it a day realizing there was more work in our future.  The kids returned home from their day of fun with Grammie and slept the night away.

Sunday I needed to head outside.  I have more sewing to finish, but I needed to get out.  I was happy Josh took the early wake up call from Ellie so I could sleep in a bit. I played driveway croquet with Mason and then got to work as carpenter's assistant. As I sanded castle pieces with the random orbit sander I got to thinking. There is nothing like a job of sanding to set your mind thinking.  With each piece I smoothed I was thinking.  The power of this tool to take something flawed and reveal its beauty. I was holding in my hands the power to transform - to bring out this wood's future.

I wonder if we all have this power to reveal, uncover, transform the beauty that lies within. I got to thinking about my class this year. The path we have taken.  It has needed a bit of random, orbiting sanding, but the beauty is revealing itself.  I am inspired by creativity in the room and at times am a bit overwhelmed.  The vibrations needed to keep working toward to ultimate reveal can shake you to the very core. Get a bit to close to your thumb nail and it roughs you up a bit.  None of this is completely devastating, yet it can set you back a bit.

"My Onyx likes to run. Come on Buddy!"

 I stepped back this weekend now and then to be an observer as I do in class sometimes.  I was searching for the beauty and allowing my brain to think about it more deeply.  As I watch Ellie love her buddy, Onyx, I am moved by her gentleness, her love for him.  Her walk around the yard with him is pure joy for them both.  She notices him and his needs.

"I think he needs to rest a minute.  I will sit down." (Notice signs of driveway croquet?)

 I know I can get annoyed with him as he pesters and sheds and muddy paw prints the floor, but her genuine love and joy reminds me of my love and joy for my dog when I was growing up. Her caring soul reminds me to see the goodness in him and what he brings to our family.

It is this that is true for so much.  The uncovering, the revealing of layers not seen at first glance.  The joy in the discovery of something you didn't realize was there, or the reminder that you hadn't been seeing it when it was there all along.

I have found joy in creating. Taking items and turning them into something beautiful. Sometimes the uncovering is a process and you need glimpses of wonder to keep you moving in the right direction, so here is a peek at the project.  Not the final reveal, but a sampling of what's to come.  There is something about the suspense of waiting for the finished look, but as I found with sanding, sometimes we need to begin to see the beauty, so we can make sure we are on the right path and are given the fuel to keep pushing on ahead.

Medieval Siege Set: Working Catapult, Horse, Swords, Brave Knight and Princess Costume.   More to come...

Five Things I Learned From Spelunking That Also Apply To Bed

Jen and I went spelunking over 7 years ago at Moaning Caverns in Vallecito, CA. While it was not the most spectacular cave, we did have a great time exploring all the nooks and crevices with only a pair of coveralls and a headlamp.

As I was laying awake at 4:30 am this morning with Ellie snacking on oranges and a bottle of water, and Jen and Mason flanking me on either side, this trip to the caverns popped into my head. I realized that there are several things (five actually, if you recall my title) that I learned that day that apply when all four of the Rays are piled into our ever-shrinking queen sized bed:

It's much easier in the summer when the kids are made to sleep out on the cement wall.

1. YOUR HEADLAMP IS YOUR BEST FRIEND
When you are several hundred feet underground, the phrase "pitch black" becomes a reality. If you drop your keys in the cave without a light, just forget them... they're gone, man! Likewise, if you drop your bottle of water over the edge of the bed and try to find it in our house on a moonless night, in the words of Ellie, "I cannot even see it at all. It is too dark." A head lamp (and luckily we have at least two in the house) would solve this problem toot sweet.

2. SUPERMAN CAN FIT THROUGH THE TIGHTEST CREVICES
If your guide tells your to go up "Godzilla's Nostril," go hands first, like the Man-of-Steel. If you are in a bidding war with your wife and kids for prime mattress real estate, get those hands over your head. They will go numb, but so is your spleen due to the foot lodged into your gut.

3. BRING A CHANGE OF CLOTHES
Caves are damp due to water trickling in from the surface. This coupled by the fact that evaporation doesn't really boogie deep within the Earth. So, you get wet. Just like bringing a water bottle to bed will inevitably end with the phrase, "Mommy, I spilled. Now I all wet. I need to change. Can you get me a dry pants and skirt (we wear skirts 24/7 now... for spinning purposes)." At least she didn't spill on me. Well, maybe she did, but I just couldn't feel it with my numb arms.

Ellie in a skirt... and everything else!

4. BEWARE OF ROUGH TERRAIN
The most treacherous part of the cavern's underground adventure is called "The Meat Grinder." It consists of a series of pointy rocks, craggily boulders, and general mayhem through which one must navigate. Bumps, thumps, and near impalements are all part of the "fun." While getting up with numb arms is hard enough, the several shin-busting stools and food-lacerating Lego constructions littered about the pitch dark house keep you on your toes, literally.

5. IT IS AN EXPERIENCE YOU WILL NEVER FORGET
It's funny that I can recall that three hour tour in such vivid detail. There a probably a handful of vivid memories from the past several years that I remember like that. Why does it stick? Was it because of the challenge? The adrenaline? The dopamine? When I hear the thumpity-thump of Mason's feet down the stairs and see him enter my room carrying his little green lantern, what is it that convinces me to abandon comfort and let him take my place in the bed while I am relegated to the piping of the mattress? And even after listening to forty minutes of slurping of juice from an orange and continuous prattling on about doggies or spinning in skirts, why do I cave when Ellie asks me to come and rub her back for awhile in her bed? Perhaps it is that I know the most challenging moments build the strongest memories, and these are memories I want to have for always.

Or maybe the numbing is now moving from my arms into my head...

Life is a Dance...

I was up early this morning, as in about 3 am, and started reading as I drank a glass of water, enjoyed the twinkling lights outside in the tree next door to my parents' dining room, and taking in a bit of solitude and quiet calm.  I had fallen asleep early and therefore was feeling revived at this early hour.  I stumbled upon some interesting reads.  As I read this post I was reminded of a quote I read while sitting at an Education Through Music class a while ago.

"Life is a Dance.  Sometimes you LEAD.  Sometimes you FOLLOW."

I cannot imagine having to always be the leader. It is fun to play that role from time to time, but without stepping out of that role once in a while, how would we grow and find the other pieces of ourselves that are hidden, waiting for the inspirational people we choose to surround ourselves with to uncover and allow them to shine. Children are amazing leaders. Spending time with Mason and Ellie, really spending time with them and allowing them to take the lead opens up new pathways that I may not uncover on my own.  I sometimes hurry to get to the destination rather than realizing that the journey taking us there is a part of the adventure.

As we walked to the park Ellie stopped to discover the little things.  She notices, she is in no rush to arrive somewhere else, she has arrived in the moment and she siezes it. She pauses to "wag, wag, wag" her imaginary dog's tail on the corner of Beverly Glen Drive and Wilshire Blvd.

She finds beauty in a fallen flower.

She discovers her shadow was walking right along with us.

She picks a flower and pretends it is a dandelion seed.

She is full of wonder and I want to drink it in. Let my mind be guided by curiosity and wonder what I may create next.

At the park we played and played and Josh took the items Mason found along the way to build a kite and used all the found objects for the tail.  They are ones to follow.  Inspiration overflows when I am with them.  I want to run toward the wind with them and try to keep up and never tire.

Sometimes we need to stop and wait for ideas to come, for surprises to be carried out (there's a story there, but you'll have to wait), and hang upside down to get a new outlook on things (sticking your tongue out is optional, but recommended).

Just before falling asleep that night at Grandma and Grandpa's house Mason asked me, "What if I wake up in the middle of a really good dream?"  I don't remember my response, but I guess for me I feel like I am living a really good dream. There are lows for sure, but without those how would you notice the highs?

There is a bit of magic when you slow down to take in the moment. The look as Mason falls asleep and is at peace is a look I want to know forever.

I believe it is important to know how to follow. For if you follow the right people, places, things...you gain inspiration, strength and a complete sense of self which allows you to grow and become a leader.

"Play is not just for Preschool!"

Ah, once again I am amazed.  I am inspired. I am feeling empowered.  There was a quote a while ago on Kelle Hampton's blog that read, "Pay attention. Be amazed. Tell about it." Well here I am.  I have been paying attention, amazement abounds, and I've been gearing up to tell about it.  Last night we attended the monthly parent meeting at the preschool.  Each month as the meeting draws near I am filled with mixed feelings. There is the anticipation of what we will learn, the joy of seeing warm, welcoming people, the mini-date with my husband in the middle of the week, combined with the exhaustion of the long day that will take us late into the night. The meeting ends at 10pm, but by then my mind is wired, filled with hope and wonder for the children.  Filled with a reflective look at myself and what I do in my own life and classroom to make these hopes become reality.

Last night we listened to the presentation from "The Big School". I remember the first year I attended the February meeting.  The words touched me deep and as I raised my hand to speak I was struck by how I unexpectedly began to cry as I shared. I am not sure I can find the words to share this enlightenment, but for me it was a definite point in my life where I began to take a harder look at myself and what I could be doing better.  It all comes back to...

PLAY!

Today Mason had his preschool Valentine Party and he has been prepared for this day for a couple of weeks now.  He told me two weekends ago how he needed to start his Valentines because last year it took a long time to draw them all out.  The boy insisted on drawing a monkey on each one and addressing them to each classmate. The teachers wanted them to simply sign their name, but that didn't make any sense to Mason.  How impersonal!  So this year he would start early.  He worked for hours that Saturday and drew different pictures for everyone.

Valentine Party here I come, magician hat and all!

Today he woke and was ready for the fun.  He "dressed up" and could hardly wait to go.  I was heartbroken when he asked who was going with him and we said we had to go to work.  He said, "But it is my last Valentine Party at Preschool."  (My breaking heart!)  I am sad when I think of this being his last year there.  He has grown SO much in that magical place.


"Play is not just for Preschool!"


"The opposite of play is not work, it is depression."


It is our job to make sure that we don't lose sight of the power of play.  It is critical to our survival.  In my last post I shared some glimpses of our Superheroes. Mason, Ellie, and I fell in love with play that day.  We created so much, not so much "stuff", but SO many memories.  As things were winding down Mason said, "Mommy, I just have so many ideas coming into my brain today.  They just keep coming."  A few minutes later he was making paper giraffes for Ellie.  "Ellie, do you want another giraffe?"

"Yes," she replied.

"Because when you love someone you just keep making things for them," he responded as he handed her the baby giraffe that would complete the paper family.

This little superhero project has sparked such energy that it has spun just about out of control. And I mean that in the best sense possible.  I took this project to my classroom and connected it to writing narratives. Some of my most reluctant writers have asked to write for homework.  They ask to take their things home because they don't want to stop working.  Today one boy asked me if he could bring in the Lego superhero he made at his house that is an exact replica (without a cape) of the one he built and drew in class. He wants to bring it in to have all 3 types when he shares his book with the class.

Today I stretched my sanity to the edge of the cliff and hung on for dear life as my 1 to 34 ratio put me to the test.  Wait, I did have 2 students absent, but I was still significantly outnumbered. They are publishing their stories and it is fantastic.  We are practicing real life in this experience. The art of patience.  Time management, "What will you work on while you wait for me to edit?" Did I mention I need a team of editors!

Three students did something funky and lost all that they had typed, ugh! We ran out of cut cardboard to create our hardcover books, so my hands got a workout trying to cut more without the ease of the box cutter. It is a complete balancing act.  How do you keep the momentum without spinning out of control?  How do you work one-on-one while many are wanting their turn with you? Somehow we kept afloat and tomorrow I am excited to see the finished products.

To find the joy you have to dig in and get your hands dirty.

This work is messy.  It is tricky. Exhausting. Yet it is what they will remember. It is what I will remember. If only we could bring a bit of play to all the "work" we must do.  Without play, it is so easy to see the negatives.  The lost student work, the restarts, the running out of cardboard, the interruptions, the girl that looked for her cover for a half hour and was on the verge of restarting...

...but then she found it. She was back on track.  She typed her story and she saw it through.  The boy who created his entire story in text boxes so he could create a comic book and add in a secret compartment with the safe that the evil villain tries to steal from the bank, and a pouch for his superhero to rest in when he is not flying through our classroom. The girl who typed hers at home has spent her class time cutting and pasting her text onto pages and waited, oh so patiently, to figure out how she might bind them into her book because she had a different approach.  As she waited she kept adding.  She was like Mason, the ideas kept filling up her brain and her book.  She created a map to line the inside cover. An envelope that houses "Top Secret" information and is nestled into the end of the book, a dedication page, an author's purpose page, a summary on the back.  This work doesn't happen with simply filling in worksheets and bubbling in tests. This work doesn't happen when we must all be on the same page.

I am paying attention, I am amazed, I am telling about it.
Pass it on.

Super Powers!

The other day I was home with the kids and we decided to see what was in our craft baskets.  One thing led to the next and suddenly we had a collection of superheroes.  This led to much fun playing superheroes throughout the house.  Mason said to me that day, "Mommy, I have so many ideas today.  They just keep coming into my brain."  

 I can SO relate to this lately.  I have so many stories I wish to write and share here, but they are swirling around amidst the busy of things.  I somehow have found this quiet moment and am hurrying to type a few words to bring a bit calm to it all, but I know I don't have the time to really sort it all out.

Soon the day will be flying around me.  A happy, fun-filled day, swirling of smiles and sparkling moments, so the stories shall wait.

Wait yes, but be forgotten or dare I say left behind?  No, I will grab hold and sort it all out.  But for now my brain is a bit like this...

An organized mess of potential and I shall sort it out, get it in line, and hopefully use it to inspire.

Happy Weekend!